If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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