I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
