if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Randomize
