On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
