Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Randomize
