is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
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