Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Randomize
