I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize