So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
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