the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
