I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
