So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
