He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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