I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
Can Purell be used as lube?
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
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