well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
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