When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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