We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
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