why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
I am available for nakedness
Randomize