3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
