We're like a lot better than the average bears
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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