how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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