just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Randomize
