while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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