When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
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