So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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