I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
