i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
Randomize
