Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
