6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
