Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Randomize
