Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
