We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
Randomize
