Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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