That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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