I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Randomize
