just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
