I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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