I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Randomize
