Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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