Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Randomize
