She's JV to your varsity
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Randomize
