Jerry, you need to find god
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
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