took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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