my phone needs a breathalizer
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Randomize
