You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Randomize
