i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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