We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
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