Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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