so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Randomize
