I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Randomize
