i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
