How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
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