guys are not supposed to queef...right?
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Randomize
