It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
