end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Randomize
