Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
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