can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Randomize
