This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
The struggles of a small town man whore
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Randomize
