Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Randomize
