No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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