If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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