He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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