You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
Randomize
